Failure = bump in the road.

The couple of weeks I have had a hard time with food sticking. I went to my dr. on Monday to find out what  to do. I am not loosing weight and it is hard to eat. When having a lap band it is very important to talk to your dr. when you are having problems. The determined that a combination of stress and my flight to Dallas two weeks ago has caused the band to fill tighter than normal. They had to decrease the amount of fluid by 1cc in my band. My responsibility is to drink liquid food for a week, soft food for a week, then go back to try to fill my band again. Then back to liquids and soft foods. I won't be able to eat solid foods until the day after Thanksgiving. However I have lost six pounds since my dr. appt. and I feel much better than what I did before we took the fluids out. This is what we call the hard part of life. Eating soup all week is awful. I want FOOODDDDD!!!! Okay, enough complaining. I never knew that stress changes the way your body functions and sits on the inside. That is weird  I must learn to deal with my stress better so I don't have to go through this again. Someone mentioned Yoga a few months ago. I still hate Yoga. I keep trying, but I don't like it.

The easy part: more confidence, lots of positive praise from co-workers, more energy. My waist is 10 inches smaller. My hips are 12 inches smaller (thank God!). I won't mention how much my bra size has decreased.  My arms need some serious tightening of skin. The rest of my skin seems to be doing fine without the excess (again thank GOD!)

I sooo want to dance on stage again. I know that is silly for a 36 year old mom of four.

I tweeted to Danny Wood about how much weight I have lost this year. He nicely re-tweeted my tweet. (Oh, if you don't know he is a New Kid on the Block).

So if you are still reading my long blog here is my stress relief and complaining:

1. I live in a town that has a high problem with violence and I am scared for kids.
2.  My husband hit a curb last week and did quite a bit of damage to the front end of my van. It is sitting at the shop waiting for the insurance adjuster to make a decision. Meanwhile I am paying $35 a day for a van rental. I love the rental, but at the same time it makes me extremely depressed that I can't buy new one.
3. My oldest son is getting himself into a lot of legal problems.
4. We are trying to take care of #1 by the end of the school year. At first we talked about going to Texas. Now we are thinking California. Just thought of this is giving me gas as I write.
5. My thirteen year old is acting like a thirteen year old, not listening, has failing grades for the first time ever and is just being a pain.
6. I never have time for my youngest daughter. I know this and it is not right.
7. i am trying to get my moms care going so I can drive it instead of the rental van. I have no idea why it is not starting.
8. WORK...WORK....WORK.
9. Chores that are not being done.
10. I never get enough sleep.

Dr. appt update and Nelson update

I rented a car to make it to my appt today. That is how important it was to me to get there. I have been have problems with food sticking and having a hard time swallowing food. The NP thinks my high stress level is causing the band to be tighter than normal. They took out 1cc of fluid. I have to have nothing but liquids for a week, then soft foods for a week and return to the dr two days before Thanksgiving to get some fluid put back into the band. So...no Thanksgiving dinner for me this year. (Personally I think they planned that).

Many people are noticing my weight loss and complementing me on it. It is a great feeling! I recently bought size 24 jeans and shirts, they are already feeling a bit roomy. They fit snug when I bought them. I however am averaging loosing just a pound a week.


On another note: I had the pleasure of meeting Matthew and Gunner Nelson Sunday night! I as usual could not speak. My husband was taking the picture of me with them. While he was trying to get the camera working Matthew sang "I cant live without your love and affection" to me!  It was awesome! I thanked him through twitter and received a reply back saying "ur welcom".  Matthew nicely flirted with several times during the performance. They were both gentleman and very kind. They signed my old CD cover from their first album and the signed the CD we bought last night for my husband.

Well, now you all think I am to wealthy this week. Truth is I still have one bill I didn't get paid this week. My lap band bill has to wait. : (

That was a hard 10 pounds--found my dancing shoes

Protein, Protein, Protein...vital to loosing weight. Our bodies are a huge scientific experiment. I had been drinking protein shakes for breakfast. I was told that it would be okay since I am not hungry in the mornings. I truthfully only lost five pounds in the last month. My hair started falling out. I can hardly keep it up in bun and ponytail right now. Apparently my body is not absorbing the liquid protein. This is what my nurse practitioner told me on Monday at my checkup. She wants me to eat 20 g of solid protein three times a day. That is hard to do in the morning. My blood pressure was back down to normal. That is the good news.

So since Monday at 1 pm I have made sure to stick to the solid protein. I weighed 4 lbs less this morning. This brings me up to losing 10 pounds since the first of September. I can finally say I have lost 60 pounds since January. I was even told today that I need to buy new clothes.

I have lost a total of 12 bags of sugar  28 inches (combined all over total) and I can wear my grandma's wedding rings. My BMI is down 10 points, still considered to be Morbidly Obese. I have 6 points to go until I am "Just" obese. I need to loose 37 pounds to loose that 6 points of BMI. I have lost 1.5 times the weight of my six year old daughter. I have 122 pounds until I meet my goal weight.

I did slip my dancing shoes on while at the Texas State Fair last week. I nicely created two separate scenes while randomly dancing with my daughter and friends. The second time the police came over to break the crowd up that was watching us. It was AWESOME!

Dancing shoes

Working hard on getting back to those dancing shoes. I am watching Dancing with the stars tonight. They had a group tap dancing, i am sitting here thinking I use to be able to do most of that. Now,  I am to scared to get my feet off the floor! LOL. It may take more than loosing another 125 pounds for me to get my feet back up off the floor. I really don't want any broken bones. LOL

I worked out for an hour last night. I need to work out tonight. I am not sure I have time to, I still need to finish grading and other paperwork stuff for work. It is hard to juggle my time between family, work and self. Reminds me....why did women want to work and take everything too? Wish we lived in a world where I could afford to stay home, be pretty and take care of the house. Go to my monthly clubs with the other housewives. LOL, yeah we could take a pay cut and go back on food stamps. However,  I don't think that is the right way to about life. So, I will work, be mom, be wife and take care of myself. Speaking of which, my cross trainer and weights are calling. Everyone have a good week! Please donate to my walk for Suicide awareness. The link is on my last post.

Night, Night.

weekly update--Out of the Darkness #suicide awareness

Later this month I will be walking for the "Out of the Darkness" Community Event. I am walking with a friend from my church as a part of her team "Rush in Stride". This week to help me and be supportive please donate money toward suicide awareness. I watch middle school kids that have cuts and scars on their wrists. I have watched my ex-husband nearly drink himself to death. I remember when the extremes people went to that I worked with at the state hospital to try to kill themselves. I remember my own plan in November 1997 and how it just took one friend to call me and change my mind. She gave me a place to stay for awhile until I was able to stand on my own two feet. Please donate! Thanks!   
http://afsp.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donordrive.participant&participantID=353050
Donate and support! I need the walk! LOL

Wonderful week! It is time to buy the boots!

This week has went well, we have been using www.lapband.com to get recipes for our dinners this week. I have lost four pounds this week. One more pound and I have lost 60 pounds. I am getting very excited at this point. I love that the weight is still falling off, even if it not as fast I would like all of the time. I have lost two more inches off my waist.

On Thursday they put another .4 cc's of saline in my band. I am really noticing a difference this time. I am only able to eat .5 to a cup of food per a meal. This is the amount they want me eating. I am hoping that it will stay this way.

Since I have met this short term goal, it is time to buy the boots. The real boots! I just need to decide on the color. Purple, blue or Red? I will need to buy an outfit to go with the boots.

Next month I will be walking for the "Out of the Darkness" walk. I am hoping you will show your support for my teams efforts. I am hoping to raise $150. Suicide is a big issue when you are a middle school teacher, not to mention my own past and my friends past. By the age of 15 I had three close friends that had attempted.
Here is the link to donate: http://afsp.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donordrive.participant&participantID=353050  

Change attitude and recipee book

Changed my attitude, used my tools and tried cooking new things. I was down three pounds since Friday. Yesterday I cooked Bell Peppers stuffed with turkey meatballs and Barley Pilaf for the side dish. It was very good and a little expensive. Saturday night I cooked a Beef Barley soup ($12 to feed a family of 6 with enough left over for three lunches for me this week). It was also tasty. Tonight we tried spaghetti squash with turkey meatballs. Also yummy.
I however cheated and ate a snickers at work today. I had forgotten my vitamins this morning and was feeling my energy level fall to the floor this afternoon. I needed the sugar and protein to get through my day.


I took my measurements Saturday and I have lost another 1.5 inches off my waist. 16 inches until I have old waistline back. Three more inches and 23 pounds I will be at the half way mark.

loosing steam

Loosing stem quickly with the numbers on the scale not changing fast enough. Feeling hungry again and wanting again. Loosing maybe a pound a week. I am finding it really hard to stay on track. Question is, I am failing my band or do I just need to let them keep filling the band. The last two weeks I have been back to craving chocolate and Dr. Pepper. Am I hungry? Sort of, but not extremely. My next appointment is Thursday. I think I will go ahead and ask for the full cc this week. I am truly tired of not loosing weight like i was in the beginning.

I am trying some new recipes from the lap band website. Today I cooked Beef Barley soup, my entire family liked and was full from eating one bowl of soup. I have three servings saved out for my lunches this week and one serving saved for my hubby to take to work tonight. Tomorrow I am going to Peppers stuffed with turkey meatballs, Monday Spaghetti squash and meatballs.
This morning I learned how to cook an egg where I can eat it without it getting stuck. It seemed very odd way of cooking a fried egg, but it worked well and was tasty. You boil a pan of water and then crack the egg open into the water, let it cook for two minutes and get it out of he water (that was the hard part). The yoke stays nice and runny! Then you toast a slice of bread and put the egg on top of it. It was really yummy. So, here is to healthy eating!

The Eight Golden Rules--i am breaking one of them.

Before I had the surgery the clinic gave me a book called "The Lap-Band Solution" written by Paul O'Brien MD. I give him full credit for the following "Golden Rules" I give myself credit for following them or not following them. LOL

1. Eat three or less small meals per day. I am at three small meals a day, sometimes I need a snack depending on the business of my day. Today has been long and hectic, so I am hungry. Also, I am hungry because I had to eat soup for lunch due to my hectic day.

2. Do not eat anything between meals. I normally do okay with this. When I do have a snack it is normally not more than 100 cals. Yesterday was an emotionally stressful day so I found myself sitting in my van with that bag of chips and a candy bar. I did not eat all of either one.

3. Eat slowly and stop when no longer hungry. I do follow this one.

4. Focus on nutritious foods. They go on to stay eat your protein first. I eat lean protein twice a day with a protein shake for breakfast. I may eat 5 or 6 green beans or peas with it. Sometimes I east 1/4c of potatoes.

5. Avoid calorie containing liquids. Checkmate, I can handle this one! (And no soda pop for over four months)

6. Exercise at least 30 minutes a day. Okay, well here is where I am cheating myself big time right now.  My day is completely packed all day during the work day. Most of the day I am on feet, not sitting down. After working from 7am to 4pm I come home to be a mom of three, caregiver to my mom, wife to my husband whom I pray I will one day have more time for again. My hubby and share cooking chores and homework chores ( on the evenings he is not working a 12 hour shift). After dinner it is time for chores, finishing homework, getting kids in showers and ready for bed, checking on my moms needs, putting kids to bed, finishing getting mom ready to be alone during the day. It is 11pm before I get to shower and go to bed. I usually have an extra 30 minutes in the evening to sit. I hate the idea of putting my tired feet on the cross trainer during that 30 mins. So, if you can tell me how to get my time in, let me know! With all of this today I was reminded of Amy Grants song "Hats." Why do I have to wear so many different hats? Im a mother, im a lover, im a teacher, im a daughter, im a pet owner.....you get the point.

Amy Grant "Hats"

7. Be Active throughout each day. Yep, I have got that one down.

8. Always keep in contact wit your LB DR. I no longer call in between appts, but my next appt. is next week.

Thanks for reading!

Gripe session

I think my scale is stuck. Surely that is the problem. I keep teeter tottering two pounds for the last to weeks. Okay, so I am not working out. I have no motivation right now to work out. All I can think about is that I have so many other things I have to do.

Stress: I am back to work in the full swing of things. Back to the nonsense that goes on at work. Back to managing four kids in school, opposite work schedule from my husband and taking care of my mom in the evenings and on the weekends.

I feel like so many friends are suffering from so many illnesses. An elder from our church in Kansas past away this week, another one went in the hospital, a friend who has a boy my daughters age started chemo this week for bone cancer this week. I have two students that are to sick to come to school for several days. My brother has been to bull headed and landed himself back in jail over a traffic this week. My mom fell last night and has a spiral fracture in her  right humorous. She may have to have a rod put in her arm to assist with healing. She already has one in her leg and left shoulder and pins her right knee. I need a ramp for her wheelchair. I hate to say it, but I feel like we need to buy a conversion van with our large family and adding the power chair.

I know all of this stress is adding up to my willingness to stick to the problem. I also know I have three months of helping mom constantly because she can't use her right hand.

My friend that has cancer has created a star on standup2cancer.org. Please feel free to donate: Chase Ward The money goes directly to cancer research!

Curves

WELL, I will try it again. I hate committing to a one year contract with anything. I have learned that you just can't predict the future or what it will bring. However Curves is offering a 30 day trial period for free. That gives me long to decide if I will become hooked on it. Honestly their hours of operation are pretty limited, with very little time on the weekends when I am not working and they close early evening. However, I do like their equipment and the fact it is easy on the old knees. The whole 30 sec. and switch thing is easy on my attention span and I don't have to count reps. So, starting tomorrow I will give them a try.

small goals

September 7 marks my 90 day post op stage. I am suppose to be ten pounds less than what I am today by the 7th. I don't think I will make it. So, in order to not be to discouraged I went and trade on clothes, Saturday. First I went to Victoria's Secret, a store that I have shopped in since my first pregnancy because $50 for a bra is soooo not worth it. However; the last ten years I have not been able to purchase bra's at VS. The ladies were very nice to me. I told them that I have lost a large amount of weight and I don't know what size I need, or if I can even were their bra's yet. I also asked if they had extenders. As it turns out, I am two sizes below being able to wear their bra's without an extender. She told me that to buy only one at this point since I am still loosing weight. I told her I would next payday. My next stop was to try on jeans. The last time I bought pants (Feb. 2012) I bought 30/32 petites. This is not an easy size to find. I couldn't even think about buying jeans or slacks from Wal-Mart. Last night I tried on size 22 jeans and a 18/20 shirt. Okay, well they were to tight and looked awful, but they went on zipped and buttoned. The shirt showed every curve. I have not been able to wear those sizes but about four months total since I gave birth to my  almost thirteen year old daughter. As far as my weight goal, historically when I loose weight I have a big change in clothes sizes then the next week it shows up on the scale as well. Hmm... I am real close to bing able to shop at Maurices again!

I also realize the stores have changed their sizes. The last time I wore a 18/20 comfortably I weighed 40 pounds less than what I do today and my waist was 6 inches smaller. I need about another three inches gone before that size looks good on me.

I also have to give kudos's to Red Robbins. They were the EASIEST restaurant I have found to be able to enjoy a meal and stay within my cal. range and other restrictions. our meal for my girls and I cost $17. We all three had lemonade to drink. Our meal consisted of two appetizer plates. One was the Hummus plate and the other was the french fry, sweat potato fry and onion straws plate. Okay, so the fry plate was not healthy and full of saturated fat, but once we divided it between the three of us it wasn't bad. Unfortunately the meal was full of sodium, but that is hard to get away from when you at out.
 I need to go and eat my egg whites and turkey bacon. Have a geat holiday! (Oh and I know have been at this for four months!)

Something about you looks different...what did you do to your face?

Okay, so the person that asked me that today, could be reading my blog and I don't know it. Three that I have changed about my face:

1. Stress level has decreased at home. Less stress equals a happy me.
2. I have stopped taking crap from people at work. No longer going to be mad or grumpy or just ignore the garbage. God lead me to a passage last night "Do not be afraid of people when you have God in your life." Again, making me a happier person.
I have never been good about sticking up for myself. I am learning. I HATE being bullied and walked all over.
3. Oh yes, I have lost 50 pounds. 8 inches, 10inches and 3 inches off my neck.
4. Being a happier helps to get up in the morning, do the make-up and hair and want to leave the house.

I feel like my legs could run, maybe I take some Aleve and try it this week.
Wearing my boots this week for a little hillbilly power. : )

Yep my face has changed! In sooo many ways!

My new face

 

Wearing my grandma's wedding band.

 

in my work out pants

measurements are sooo exciting

Another week down, a few pounds down, several inches gone! I have fallen in love with green tea and only think about Dr. Pepper when I see it. I still eat chocolate a couple of times week. However it is not the amount of candy I use to eat or as often. Sometimes I just need a little sweet. I can cross my knees, my ankles, my legs and wear my grandmas wedding band. I can wear my black jeans I purchased the last time I lost weight. I can reach to shave all of my legs. I can use the small stalls in the bathrooms. My hips have lost 9 or 10 inches, I can't say for sure since they were larger than the measuring tape. My waist is about to move down to the next 10's place.  Most of pants are sliding down, down, to my ankles. And the awesome part is: I am still loosing weight. In two more weeks I should have lost more than I did the last time I lost weight. By Christmas I should be the size I was when I got PG with my baby seven years ago. By my anniversary I will be able to wear my wedding dress again. My neck is almost four inches smaller. I have lost the weight of my youngest child. I have very little excess skin. This is a really good thing since any skin removal surgery could have serious scar issues for me, so I don't know that I would ever go through with it. My back does not hurt anymore. My neck is healing and only hurts about once a week. I hope to soon be able to start riding my bike. Eight more pounds until I buy my boots. I bought a new dress before surgery. I bought it to small, it now fits pretty well. It is a size 22. I was wearing a size 30-32. I often get compliments about how nice I look. I DO NOT ever want another McDonald's hamburger. (Just chicken nuggets)

Downside: I do have access skin on my arms and chest. My arms are not getting smaller like I want them to. Most of it is muscle and does not squeeze into dress coats or heavy coats. I have a huge medical to pay. I have more medical bills coming in. My insurance did not pay what they said they would. The claimed that the Dr. didn't file the paperwork correctly. Please pray for our finances. I hate to file a chapter 13. I want to by my family a home within the next year. I have been sick the past week after getting chicken stuck and having to spit it back up. That grossed me out and I vomited. The vomiting is what causing the problems. My calves are to muscular for the boots I want. Yes, it is 17 inches of calf muscle. Well built for carrying the extra two adults around all the time. Milk products seem to give me the runs and cramps. This possibly started before the surgery. I had went to see a gastroligists in January and he didn't have any answers for me as to why I had the runs so often. He thought I was taking in to much fiber.

Whew, this was a long one! Have a great week and thanks for taking the time to read!

Angie

Lactose Intolarant? I can't even spell it!

Okay, so I knew it was a possibility. But, really? a reality?

I keep having bouts of diarrhea this last week. To be honest I started having issues with it before I became banded. I went to the Dr. and she sent me to specialist. No ever thought about my issues being from milk products. When I became sick in the classroom yesterday my co-worker said, okay what did you eat today, then what did you eat yesterday. The common ingredient was milk. I have learned to like cottage cheese and l love Greek yogurt. Apparently they don't love me and just want to run away.

As a matter of fact I have been not well since Saturday morning I decided to make my protein shake with milk. My tummy was not happy. A few hours later I ate Weigh Watchers Grilled Chicken breasts. Then I got stuck, then I vomited and well...this week has not went well. I guess milk and I no longer agree with another.

I am still loosing weight properly, just irritated about the irritation. On the other hand, I can't eat ice cream or chocolate without making myself ill.

Good think I am not hungry, because there are very few foods I can eat.

That was awful! Stuck!

One of the foods that like to get "stuck" in the band is chicken. I have never had a problem with it until today (at least I didn't think so). Today was the first and the most awful horrible stuck issue I have had with food. I did everything I could to get it down. I walked, I jumped, I jumped until shorts fell onto the floor. It had been about ten minutes. Then I remeber one blog that I read said to drink warm water. I did then, the food release and came back up. It was gross, not like normal vomit. This is what people call a productive burp. Then it became more than that turned into actual vomit. Not alot, just a little. But it feels terrible. I was able to have a little humor in it all. My shorts are way to big at this point in my wieght loss journey. So here I am standing in the bathroom near my sink, jumping up and down, feeling my breath knocked out with every jump and then it happened. My shorts fell off. Clear to the floor. I guess it is about time to buy new clothes.

So....for at least the next 24 hours I am on liquids only. My tummy is sore, my shoulder hurts a little.

Sweet Spot and Energy Levels

I seemed to have hit the sweet spot or a least really close. I am only hungry at lunch and dinner. My meals consist of a Pure Protein Shake made with fat free milk for breakfast. Bumble Bee tuna or Chicken salad for lunch. Then some typ of Turkey or chicken meet for dinner. As of this morning I have lost three pounds since my fill my last week.

My students now tease me about my refriderator full of water instead of Dr. Pepper. However, for the first time ever I have energy to spare at the end of the work day. Yes, without caffine! On the occasion I have a drink with Caffine I get hyper like I use to years ago and can't stop talking.

I was able to wear my grandma's weddings for one day this week. Then the rain kicked in and swelling started. Oww! My finger is bruised now. I took them off with lots of lotion. But I know in a few months I will be able to wear them as my wedding rings.

Saying hello to my dancing shoes!: Hit my two month goal!

Saying hello to my dancing shoes!: Hit my two month goal!: Last week was my first full week of work. Thankfully my last fill has done the trick and seems to be almost that sweet spot. I no longer fil...

Hit my two month goal!

Last week was my first full week of work. Thankfully my last fill has done the trick and seems to be almost that sweet spot. I no longer fill hungry other than twice a day. I still want food, this is where the challenge comes to play. I am eating about 3/4c of food when I eat. The problem is I am eating food that I shouldn't be eating. I must stop eating McDees chicken nuggets. Yesterday was my sons 18th birthday. That meant ice cream and cake. Today was the church picnic. I ate one hot dog, 1/8th c. of beans and potato salad, handful of chips, small slice of cake and two bites of a brownie and a half chocolate chip cookie. This is all I have ate today. In the past I would have ate two huge platefuls of food that would equal to about 8 meals. So, this is still an improvement. I also know I must workout tonight.

On Thursday of this week marked two months post surgery. I did make my 60 day weight goal and have lost a pound since then. I still need to loose another five pounds to hit the fifty pound weight loss mark. I think if I am more careful and workout this week (which I have not done in two weeks)  than I should lose that other five pounds.

It is all good that this fill seems to helping. The last fill left a severe bruise and I know it has to heal before they cant stick me again. It appears to be another three weeks for the bruise to heal. 

Goals

Almost there...I have just a couple of more pounds to meet my Aug. 8th goal for my Dr's. office.

I have set a reward goal for myself. I need to loose 17 more pounds than I will buy myself new clogs and an outfit to go out with it!

So, this is day one with my band half filled. I looked at the candy bars and didn't want them. I looked at the cookies and thought my kids would like those, instead of I want to eat all of those cookies. I ate 1.5 cups of food for dinner, 1 cup of soup for lunch and half a protein shake for breakfast. I love not being hungry at 10pm! I love that it has been almost two months since I had a Dr. Pepper! Me! I! have not had ANY DR PEPPER! Wednesday August 8th, marks two months without pop! I drink vitamin water, green tea, smart water, and other bottled waters absolutely love the new me.

Fill, Dr. visit and weigh in day

Yesterday I went in for another fill. Everything went very well. I did not become ill this time! According to their scale and mine I have lost two pounds in the last two weeks. A total loss of 42 pounds I think! My clothes are starting to get to big, but not big enough I have to purchase new clothes just yet.

I start back to work full time today. This is going to be the hard part of this adjustment. I am going to keep lots of water, nuts and Greek yogurt at work and fat free sugar free pudding at work. This way on those days I don't have twenty minutes to eat I can have still keep my protein up and stay hydrated.

This week has been really stressful me. I am thankful that I can't wait ever I want. I know if I could then this week I would gain ten pounds.

Affordability

Again, I am on the cost thing, how are we going to pay for it? I am extreme couponing for my large family. It is awesome how after a few months of it, you can really start saving money. This week I purchased ten boxes of pasta for 44 cents each, two containers of mouthwash for my kids 99 cents (normally $5). I of course will not eat the pasta, but my family can add the protein and veggies to it and eat up! My lean meats for the next two weeks cost me $30. It would be less but I had a coupon for bacon wrapped shrimp and couldn't resist it. I purchased $60 worth of groceries total for the next week and estimate I will need to pay about another $30 to finish off our groceries for the next weeks. I make my own "hamburger helper" to go with the pasta. These supplies I purchase by the bulk at Sam's.

Before my lap band, I was not couponing. only bought the store brand foods, sale items or Sam's club foods. Our monthly groceries was over $800, which was not to bad for a family of seven. However, way to much! It is wonderful event that my kids are sharing in the process as well.

loosing self-control...please oh please fills start helping!

First and the most important:

Friday July 27, 2012 marked knowing my husband for twenty-one years. We met in Sunday school class the Sunday after his birthday in 1991. I went back to check the date on the calender. We started dating sometime after my birthday in August of 1991 and broke up six weeks later with Jon giving the old "I just wanna be friends" line...Do you remember that commercial?

Okay so onto the issues, this week was Jon's birthday. I ate one piece of cake, three servings of ice cream, on Thursday we ended up at McDonald's (where I ate chicken nuggets) on Friday we went to Weinerschental and I ate two hot dogs ( no buns). So...no weight loss this week. My own doing. Soon the fills will start helping my portion sizes. Until then....I must behave!

This fill has helped to have a slight difference.  I am not as hungry as I have been, but my cravings are high this week. This most likely do to my poor choices of food the last few days. I also have not had much exercises this week or tracked my foods. I just didn't want to. So...thankful I have not gained weight, but vacation is over time to get back on track.

I measured today and as usual when I don't loose weight I notice an improvement with my measurements.

In the past month my calves have not changed. My thighs are 5 inches smaller, my neck is two inches smaller, my biceps are 2 inches smaller, my hips are almost two inches smaller and my waist is an inch smaller. My waist still has swelling from my last fill so the measurement may not be accurate.

The amazing part of this is, I lost weight with old nothing but protein shakes three years ago.  As soon as I started eating I gained most of the weight back I had lost. I have been eating real food and in the same amount of months I am almost back into the jeans I purchased after loosing that weight.

Birthday=Cake, ice cream and nice dinner right?

WRONG! Well at least not for me! For the time in my life it is ten pm and I am not hungry. In my freezer I have a half a tube of yummy cookie dough ice cream and 3/4 of a double layer Red Velvet cake left over from my husbands birthday. Mentally they are calling my name..but my tummy is not interested in it what so over! What? No cake and ice cream? But it is 10pm, it is my time to snack and relax. That is always what I do at 10pm. This is just to end the night...here is the rest of day;

Muscle milk for breakfast, 3/4 cup of rotisserie chicken that I saved from Boston Market last week and 1/8th cup of cottage cheese for lunch. For dinner...well, I did have a scoop full of cookie dough ice cream, three bites of cake (the cake wanted to get stuck, so I didn't try anymore)...then we went to Chili's. I was bad and ate cheesy fries and one chicken strip. All and all...not that much food. And....not hungry tonight!

It has been five days since my last fill. Two more days of still feeling full and I am going to say 7ccs in my band is my sweet spot for now.

Mentally I want to get that ice cream. Physically I don't feel like I can. This is a very strange and yet comforting feeling.
Unfortunately I ate way to much greasy foods today and the ice cream. But, I ate a fourth of what I usually do on holidays so I am not going to beat myself up. Tomorrow, I will be getting on my cross trainer for an hour to make up for it..maybe some other fun calorie burning as well (after it is my hubby's birthday).

Six weeks Post-op--hate being stereotyped

I can't believe it has been six weeks since my surgery! I had an appt this week. They filled my band to 7cc's. My band holds 14cc's.  I have lost three pounds a week since my last appointment. As of today, I have lost 40 pounds since May 1st, 2012! I am praying that they stay off this time! The clinic told me that my weight loss has been my own doing because there is no way the band is working, there is not enough silicone in my band to make it work and I am hungry all the time. It is just the way I am eating, more like not eating.

Speaking of which! I mentioned that fact to someone at work this week. The persons response back to me was, "Good, you are finally learning to eat properly." This made me mad, boy did I have a few words to say to her! Instead I just nicely said this isn't the first time I have lost the weight and left it at that. If she cared enough to want the whole story she would have asked. I SOO hate being stereotyped for overeating by people that don't know me! If my weight was do to eating to much, I guarantee that I would have not became this size to begin with! I also would NEVER have had surgery if I could just loose it and keep it off without help. You have any idea how hard it is to have a lapband? The fact that we have to $266 a month for the next three years to pay off my surgery! I would have much rather to have done this without the lapband. I just have to keep in mind that people at work are mostly just colleagues, not true friends. They are not people that know me and in the two years I have lived here, only one person from work has invited me to do anything with them. It still made me mad. I know I know, she has no idea, but it still made me mad.

I have no problem not eating to loose weight. However I don't entirely agree with the person that said I have lost me weight on my own. I know that band is still loose, but it is helping with the PCOS carb cravings! I still want to taste my chocolate. But instead of eating an entire candy bar once a day (and leaving out other nutrients to make up for the calories) I have been eating one piece of my Hershey's a day as needed. I suck it on it until it has completely dissolved in my mouth, never chewing it. We have had three bags of chips in the house this past week. I only ate a handful while we were camping last weekend.

This all leads me to my disclaimer:

Lapband is not for everyone! It is the absolute last choice anyone should make for weight loss. If you are only overweight due to your own selfishness, you have the ability to loose the weight and no regain it on your own. Then get off your butt, change your diet and start working out!

So I am down 40 pounds...and all i have to say is:

I am sexy and I know it!

frustrated with the scales!

You would think two days of running around at the lake chasing 3 dogs, 4 kids and a mom I would have lost something! But, no nothing zilch. All I have ate is protein shake, turkey hot dogs, turkey bologna, two hand full of chips, a fiber one bar....very irritating!

In two days it as been six weeks without caffeine or pop. I will be celebrating this day with my second fill!

I still have two small holes that have not healed from my surgery. I am thinking the one needs packed so it will close. I will see what they say on Wednesday!

I did not take pictures the entire time I was at the lake, so sorry no pictures.

I work out, I am ...

I have worked out one to two hours a day everyday this past week. My knees are in extreme pain! I can't believe how bad they hurt, oh wait they have been this way for twenty years. I should be use to it right? WRONG! It freakin hurts! I was told when I was in high school that I didn't have enough cartlidge in my eyes. Your body does not regrow cartlidge on its own. However I know some of the new stuff for joints does seem to help the pain control. Nothing stops the swelling. My crosstrainer and eliptical are all suppose to be easy on my knees, but they don't seem to be. I am very proud that I can complete 30 minutes on my crosstrainer on the higher levels. At one point this week I did 6.5 miles in that 30 minutes.

Measured this week. I have lost 4 inches off my stomach and nothing off my scale. I know that I have built a ton of muscle in my legs this week, so I am not so worried about the scale the reading!

Tomorrow and for the next three days I am going camping with my kids and mom. I plan on doing some serious hiking these days and go on scavenger hunts with my kids. We will be close to the gold mine area's so who knows what all we will find! I want to go swimming, but my inscision still has a small whole. I won't be able to this summer at all. I HATE that! I do have some water proof bandaids and neosporin that I will be using in case I have to pull my kids out of the river. I will have pictures to add when I return.

On Wednesday I go for anothe fill in my lapband and nutrition training. I think I am all good that one.

My husband won't get to come with us, that makes me sad. But, work comes first in this economy! So...love you honey, see on Tuesday!

My husband, my rock

My husband has supported no matter what size I am. He supported the nightly Reeces and constant drinking of pop, he has supported the Atkins diet, the dr. assisted diets. When I quit drinking pop last month so did he (for the most part). He helps me figure out what I can eat and helps me keep my portions in check. While he does make me think about my food choices, he does not criticize me for choices.

I was reading a blog last night about how many married couples get a divorce because of the lap band surgeries. I guess some can become rather pain in the ass while loosing the weight. Some become to over confident with their new found selves.

This is one of the times in life I am blessed to have married my best friend. The one person that listens to everything and has been there for me since I was fourteen. I know we will do what we always do. Yell, scream, chill, pray, talk, and make up.  In that order! I know Jon will be excited for me as I loose the weight and maybe even more attentive to me.

The divorce rate is high, but we already married young, on rebound shortly after our first divorces, we have lost two homes, three vehicles, temporarily lost one kid. I think we got this thick and thin, up and down stuff figured out. Besides before we ever kissed, we decided we would be married and that separating was never an option. That is the key to how we make it work!

First post op visit

It has been a month since my surgery. I am very happy with the way things are going. I had my first follow up visit two days ago. They took my twenty staples out of my stomach and filled my lap band with 1.5cc more of silicon. They put in 4cc’s during my surgery. I found out my band holds 16cc’s. I am lucky enough to have the large band because of my body shape and where everything is placed in side of me. (In other words because the PCOS has caused me to carry 150 pounds on the front of my tummy) The fill was not that bad.

The good: I have exceeded their goal for me by 6 pounds. I have lost 3.5 inches off my waist, 1.5 off the hips and six off the….well lets just say…WHY do they have to go first? I never measured my arms and legs, but yes they have lost muscle and fat over the last month as well.

 The bad: I have not lost any weight this week. Most likely due to the bag of M and M’s I ate during the movie “TED”. If you have not seen it, go watch it!  I have however lost a half inch, which is more important.

Next goal: loose ten pounds by August 8. They makes us loose the weight very slowly.

So…staples are out it is time to start fully working out. I spent most of today cleaning and trimming up the flower beds, now it is time to work out, shower and go to bed.

Oh, and I found a healthy way to deal with my chocolate and peanut butter fix! My grandma use to fix nestle cocoa and dip her peanut butter sandwiches in the cocoa. We just call it cocoa. As an adult I have tried to stay away from it, instead I would eat Reece’s peanut butter cups. Now, I will try something new. It is called PB2 with chocolate. My dr. said she eats now once a day for her fix. It is only 45 cals and most of it is protein cals! She said to buy it on Amazon.com

Again, thanks for reading! Feel free to comment. The blogging helps me to wrap my mind around things. It is even better when I hear that it is encouraging others that read my posts.

This is where the healing begins...

I was saving this post for later, but I have decided to write it now and publish it.

It has been two years in August since I knew I had to leave my loved home of Wichtia, Kansas. I had tried for three years to get back into the school district there. I sub taught as I could, networked with teachers and administrators to no evail. Deep down, I knew we had to leave. I set in August of 2010 for two interviews. One in Lawarence and one near Kansas City.

This trip took me through quite the little journey of healing. I totally bombed my interviews due to the healing. I had not returned to the area by myself since Novemeber 30, 1997. People say you need to deal with your past. Something I had no intention of ever doing.

I was married to a man that I knew loved and trusted. He was not a christian. He did claim to be catholic, but never attended. He knew very little about his faith. He was a drunk. Yeah, I knew that when we got married. I also knew that while he was a drunk he could go long periods of not drinking. I never thought he would try to hurt me. For nine months after our wedding all I heard was how "fat" I was becoming. He said I was a looser, and many other explicitives that I won't put on here. One night he was drunk when I came home from work his pulse was 24. He wouldn't respond to me, he was hardly breathing. He had told me before that if ever drank that much to not call an amblunce. Once he did repsond he threw everything he possibly could at me, glass plates, cactus plants, books, even the book case. Shortly before Thanksgiving he rapped me in the worst kind of way. He then planned on admitting to the hospital because of my depression. Instead I had a great plan to kill myself and no I am talking about cutting my wrist. It involved bleach, gas and fire. Two years ago on this journey I heard this song on the radio, while driving to the town we had lived in. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BFUHrXfuNU4  My interview in Lansing was accross the street from a friends house, this friend took me in for night during the mess of a marriage. I went into that interview crying and knowing I could never live back in that area.

This is where the healing began. Two weeks after that interview I managed the courage to send a resume to a school district far far away from home. It was time for a clean break from it all. In October 2010 we moved to a small town in Arizona. The healing has continued since then.

Last month as we drove up to the surgery center the song was again running through my mind. It is what I was singing when they gave me my sleepy medicene. It is the song I woke up singing.

An old friend unknowingly recently reminded me of the spunk that I had before 1997 happened. The mental healing finished in 2010, they day I drove away from Kansas with my husband and four children. Now is the time for the physical healing. It is time Stella got her groove her back.

Last week was the first time since 1997 I was able to pray in tongues. That in itself will greatly help the physical healing that his to happen. In church today I was told by 7 people that I looked very pretty. Most of them I don't recall ever speaking to before and I don't think they know about my surgery.

Tuesday is my follow up appt. I will finally get these staples removed and hopefully get thing filled. Then it is time to DANCE!

Here are the words to the song, thanks for reading my long post!

Tenth Avenue North
Healing Begins lyrics

Send "Healing Begins" Ringtone to your Cell

Songwriters: INGRAM, JASON / DONEHEY, MIKE / OWEN, JEFF

So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do
So we think that you're good
And you can't believe it's not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside

So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won't disappear
So let it fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now
We're here now, oh
This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

PCOS wont stop me from finding my dancing shoes

Yesterday was sort of a landmark day for me. I had an appointment with a new gyn dr. here in town. (Well, new to me, he is rather old.) I found out I do have an infection, but it is not related to the surgery and is severe. Thankful to find out that I don't have any fibroids that are concerning at this point. The dr. was really upset that my gyn that performed my hysterectomy left my cervix. It is what is causing me problems and causing my PCOS to still be so highly active. However he told me that the lapband should make it so the PCOS won't be affecting my wieght and agrees that it is the best way for me to loose wieght. When I said "as long as the PCOS doens't slow or stop the process for me" He replied, " I won't let it, come see and I will make sure it doesn't keep being a problem for you."
Okay, so only "cycsters" know how hard it is to find a dr. with that type of attitude toward PCOS. My biggest concern along is what happens if my PCOS doesn't allow the process to keep working. I am going to have to trust that this dr. will make sure that it doesn't.

It was ten years ago today that my secound son was born. During the c-section they found a large tumor on my left ovary. This was the start of all of my health problems. I was very thankful the tumor was benign. I had not idea how many more problems I was going to have. It only took the six months to gain 100 pounds. Of course the drs. could not tell me what was going on. Just that I was eating to much (1200 cals. a day). I was even told I needed to go see a psychologist, instead of being told or even checked for PCOS.
On Friday I can start eating solid foods and start a normal excersize routine besides just walking. I think the two go hand in hand together. I just about have my own gym at home. I have everything from Jillian Michael's work out, I have the Core abs workout, two balls, eliptical, crosstrainer with weights and when it cools off a little I have a new bike.

Really? What was I thinking?

Lap Band News:
Hiking in the mountains two days after major surgery? Not the smartest move, but it was fun. The cooler temps were well worth the six mile drive to the trails. However I did feel some tummy muscle strain, so after that the remainder of my 30 minute walk remained on the streets and off the trails. I love where I live! I can almost always get outside and walk.

The no soda pop thing is starting to get to me. I know I am on the last leg of it not bothering me, but I am sooo not there yet!

This weekend I have ate a lot of hummus, probably to much. I also ate a container of frozen fat free yogurt in three days.  I am hungry. Very hungry. I have not had red meat since in about 50 days. I have had NO meat since my operation. The most solid food I have ate is cottage cheese.

I am also sleeping about ten hours a day. This is not normal for me. I am thinking increasing my vitamins more.

Finance News:
 So with my lap band and a current lawsuit from when we were both unemployed two years ago. I have added a large amount of payment plans to our budget. My lap band costs 250.00 a month for the next two years. And a van that I no longer owe, is going to cost 400.00 a month for the next 20 months. My oldest may start college this fall as well. So, in order to make up for the costs I am going to extreme coupon! So, please if you have coupons send them to me! My daughter and I have a very organized notebook. I am watching store adds verses coupons very closely.

two weeks post op

It has been two weeks since my operation. I thought I should blog a little more about my journey this past week.

I have been able to eat out at Denny's with my family. They have been very awesome about fixing food that I can eat. For my drink I get their smoothies and my food order consists of very thing/runny watery potatoes and gravy. I stick to the one cup serving of food. My meal total costs $5. My kids order off their 2-4-6 menu. So our total Denny's mean cost $25 or so. It would be less but I allowed the kids to get pop.

I am starting to get pretty bored. I still don't have my normal energy back up, and it is to hot to walk anywhere. I can't swim with my kids like I normally do and since I can't lift anything, I don't want to go camping.

I had the worst vaginal pain ever the past two weeks. The surgeon thinks it was due to my hormone imbalance on top of the anistisia causing more hormone imbalance's. Yesterday was the first time I could use the bathroom without crying. Other than that I am pain free this week.

I spent one day this week at the Galleria Mall in Henderson, NV. I walked for six hours and window shopped with my family. The only thing the mall had that I could eat were smoothies at the Orange Julius. They have smoothies made with Splenda and then I had them add protein to it. By the end of the day I was exhausted and hurting.

April 30, 2012 according I weighed 326, today I weigh 296. I have lost 12 pounds total in the last two weeks. I can't say any of this has helped my waist line. All of it seems to be coming off my legs and face first.

I know that once I am able to start eating "real food" I will initially start gaining weight back. I just hope I can find away for that to NOT happen.

I thought I was going to be able to eat more meet this week, however it looks like I keep eating the same type of food this week, just make it thicker than last week. I am going to try making a pork stew for the family and then put mine in the blender to make it all mushy for me to eat it. We will see how it goes.

Thanks for reading!

Angie

Probiotics ladies, probiatics...eat them, chew them, just get them!

Men..this one is just for the ladies.

Have I told you how great my pharmacist is to me? Today she seen me looking for something and could see that I was in pain, my husband and all four children were following me through Walgreens. I had already hinted that the crew needed to disband and not play choo choo train. I told her what I was looking for the Monistat one. She helped to get the husband to get the kids elsewhere in the store. (Okay so Jon had worked all night, came home went to church and wanted to be at home in bed). I then told her how bad I was hurting down there and reminded her of alllll of that high powered medicine I have had this week. She said to get the Monistat one, but I need to drink more water (already drinking 1.5 liters a day), eat my yogurt (check, one of the foods I have been told to eat), then she said I needed to get Susteex gummies. So as of right now, I have had two Activia's, four Sustenex gummies, two Alive gummy vitamins and a Dole Smoothie (with yogurt in it for the probiotics).

I was laying in bed crying when my close friend text me to see if I was okay. By this point I was hating everything in life. I am so thankful that on this worst day yet, I had such wonderful husband and my best friend to help me through it. Time and time again, my friend has been there for me for the past 11 years. She lives 1200 miles away, and I absolutely hate it! Yes, this is part of why I was crying as well.

The irony of today is that my pastor told me that I look much happier than he had ever seen me. Yes, this made me cry later as well.

Oh, I know why I am balling so much. Since my hysterectomy I have to use estrogen. About six months ago I switched to the vaginal cream. My dr. says I can use it as I need to. I felt like I really needed to and doubled my normal dose trying to relieve the dryness. Yeah, that will me cry.
I truly have not had this much pain when I was in labor.

The First week with my lap band!

This post will be a long one. I have not written due to the medications I have been on the past week. I still don’t guarantee proper grammar and spelling when you read this blog.

The day before surgery was my sons high school graduation. This was the day that I stopped drinking pop and had to clear/empty myself for surgery. It was a difficult day enough without having to give up my Dr. Pepper! LOL

Day of surgery we had to be at the surgery center at 5:30 am. We left our four “kids” and mom at  the hotel with the knowledge that we would be done before noon.

 The staff at Tempe New Day Surgery Center treats everyone welcomingly. Every other hospital I had been to took several pokes to get an IV in me. These nurses listened to me both times I was there and got it on the first try. They make lots of money from Obese people, so their gowns were plenty big (even too big for me). The BP cuffs also fit my arm without hurting me. (In case you don’t know I lift weights and my arms are huge, most long-sleeves do not fit me, not matter the size).

The nurse also told me with the amount of weight I lost last month is a sign that lapband will help me to loose weight. According to their scale I lost 19 pounds last month.

The poking and prepping was underway, my surgeon had not made it there just yet. I told the nurse that I was getting nervous about being cut open again. She quickly got the IV and antibiotics started. Then they stayed with me until the remainder of the time and started talking to me about other things. The anistigiologist came in and so did the dr. with in five minutes of me being ready. They reminded of the people on Grey’s Anatomy.

Next thing I knew I was being told I had to wake up. I didn’t want to wake up. My legs were doing their jumping thing (restless leg syndrome) and the nurse said I had to walk before I got hurt. It was to get dressed and leave. I was out by 9am.

Since then I have spoken with my surgeon twice. I called Saturday and within two minutes he returned my phone call. Monday the surgery center called to check on me, Tuesday true results called to check on me. Wednesday (today) I called true results because I woke up with a low grade fever, an hour later the surgeon called me. He wasn’t sure if I had infection starting or not, but just case he ordered some high powered antibiotics. True results then called me twice afternoon about the script being set-up at my pharmacy.

Oh and I have lost three pounds this week. And I have not a Dr. pepper in seven days!

EVERYTHING GOING AS "NORMAL"

DAY ONE: I am starting to be able to drink water without pain. Most of my pain us from the hernia repair. I truly don't care much about eating. The worst part about the surgery was during home and being in the back oh the van for 5 hours with the kids. I did not enjoy the mountains at all on this trip. I keep telling myself in a few days I will better.

My husband is exhausted from trying to take care of all of us! Tonight is his last day off from work, then he has to go back Sunday night.

WOW! I am amazed that all of your are reading my blogs. Thank you!

Two more days until surgery. This will be my last post until surgery. The next two days will be spent celebrating my sons high school graduation.

Today has been filled with excitement. I am trying to make sure we wont need to go to the grocery store next week. Trying to get the house as clean as possible. Make sure ALL laundry is done.

I have lost 10 pounds on the three week pre-op diet. Hopefully it is enough that they can preform the surgery laparscopically. I REALLY do not need another scar 6 inch scar on my tummy..they just won't help that bikini in a few years. LOL

I told my husband that I can't wait to be 135 again. He told me that I can't weigh that little, he may break me in two. That sounds like a great problem to have! It will take three years to reach that weight, if I ever do. They want me to spend 18 months loosing half the extra body fat. On the other hand by our 15th anniversary I will be able to wear my wedding dress again.

I looked at myself today with utter joy knowing that this time when I loose the weight and it starts coming back (as it will) that I can go and the band filled so I don't gain all of it back.
I found out from the pharmacist today that one of my scripts my insurance may not pay. He is going to try to work with them, I will no more tomorrow. I am not looking forward to the fact that my scripts are all suppository's. Any one want to help with them?

I have stayed pretty close to the diet. I can count on one hand the number Reeces I have ate this last month. I sooo miss peanut butter. I love my peanut butter and chocolate. Two weeks ago my mom almost or did have a heart attack, that is the only Mcdees hamburger and fries I have had in the past month. And it was a small hamburger the yummy double quarter-pounder I normally enjoy eating in under three minutes. I better stop here...starting to get hungry and need to get my mind off of food.

My procedure is 5:30am in Pheonix AZ area on Friday morning. Wish me luck and thanks for reading!

9 days to go

It is 8 days 'til my sons graduation and 9 days 'til surgery.
 I went for my blood work this morning. Thankful the insurance covered all of it.
 I have to be really strict with my diet the next several days. Two to three protein shakes, one to two small meals of greens and 4oz of lean meat a day. This is what I have been doing the last three weeks. Oh and sugar free jello and fat free/sugar free pudding.

We are taking the kids camping today. At least I won't have to cook much! I look forward to having fun with the kids and my husband. I don't look forward to NOT eating the marshmallows and smores.

Sunday we had fun taking my oldest and youngest to pierce their ears. We went shopping as well. It was the first time in 15 years I only stressed a little about purchasing a swimsuit. My worry was paying way to much for a suit than not be able to wear it after this summer. LOL. I am hoping that this comes true! I am so excited to find myself and my energy again. If only I could wear my purple leather skirt again (even if it is outdated).  I am hoping to loose two dress sizes by the time school starts in August.

Rough day. Two weeks until L-Day. I am getting extremely nervous. I just read an article that anxiety goes along with PCOS..hmmm which came first the chicken or the egg? I can't take my DHA stuff due to the surgery. Two weeks, just two more weeks.

I did by myself a couple of gifts this weekend. I bought a ProForm Crossfit Bike with the works. I purchased it at a garage sale of course for $75. It keeps track of everything including heart rate. I already have an elliptical, exercise balls, and Jillian Michael's bands. This weekend bought the "Just Dance" game for our Wii game system. It is pretty cool it has Step by Step on it. I easily scored 7300 points the first time playing it. I also have Zumba for my Wii. Lots of fun ways to help the fat building.

I have been on the pre-op diet for four weeks. I think I have lost five pounds. I can not be certain. My scale batteries died, so I purchased a new updated scale. I have no idea if it is accurate.

Really Really wanted a Reese's today. I have not had candy in a week. Jello needs to make a chocolate peanut butter flavored jello!

Three weeks pre-op stage

Three weeks from tonight my surgery will be done. A little scared, a little excited. I soooo want to wear normal clothes again! I know that wont happen for a year or so. But, at least I can see the end of the tunnel.

The patient advocate emailed me yesterday and said the pre-op diet starts today. I thought it was suppose to start a week ago. I love that are realistic and I still get to eat small portions. I get to eat greens, one small fruit, 1-2 4oz servings of white chicken, fish, or other lean meat, 2 protein drinks a day, sugar free jello and pudding. A daily average of 1200 calories. I am surprised I get to eat that much real food! The goal is to reduce the amount of fat on my liver by the time of surgery.

The worst part of it the giving up of pop. I can drink coffee, crystal light and tea. I truly don't care of any of them. I guess I will have to learn or give up caffeine. I plan on asking her about the 5 hour energy shots. They are mostly vitamins and caffeine. Only 4 calories. I am curious readers...what do you think? Suggestions? Feel free to comment..

The hardest part of today was the TWO times I checked my mailbox at work I had chocolate in it. The first time I handed to the closest person I could find once I realized I had every intention of eating the chocolate kisses. The next time it was a  small Reese's egg. UGGHHHH!

I walked two miles today and feel totally awsome! Why so many blisters? I guess I need to get well enough to start roller skating again, so I know longer keep getting blisters.

As usual, the reeses got to me tonight. Oh please lapband, stop the Reeses curse.

Unexplained wieght gain---PCOS

The worst part of my PCOS has been the unexplained weight gain. I would eat healthy, go to the Y, take my walks, walk around the classroom all day....and still gain weight.
During my first marriage I gained 75 pounds in the first three months of the marriage. The dr. said it was just because I was married. I stopped taking the birth control I was on and then stopped gaining weight. I was only able to loose 25 pounds of the weight. The funny part of it was, we had very little food in our apartment. We were lucky to afford one meal a day.

When Jon and I started dating I tried another birth control and gained 20 pounds the first month I was on it. I quickly stopped taking it. That dr. could not explain it either. The one thing we could figure out is that if I had a liquid diet consisting of diet dr pepper I didn't gain weight as fast. I often walked two miles three times a week. I still did not loose any weight.

Now most people gain weight when they are pregnant. When Suszan was born, I weight 20 pounds less than I did pre-pregnancy. With Matt, I was 10 pounds less after c-section. Went to two more drs. and they had no idea what was going on with me. I quickly gained weight after both pregnancies were over, we are not talking a few pounds. After Suszan was born I gained 50 pounds, after Matt was born I gained 75 pounds by the time they were both 5 months old.

4 weeks till L-Day

My procedure went well...now it is time to prepare. I am four weeks away from surgery. It was ten years ago this month I knew I had a tumor or something growing inside of me besides my baby. I remember arguing with the dr. that I was having twins. I could feel two "babies" inside of me. She said the ultrasound only showed one and she could only hear one heartbeat. She looked and looked and could find another heartbeat. At 220 pounds she blamed my weight and told me every pregnancy was different. My baby often sat on my sciatic nerve where I could not walk. The dr. thought I was crazy. I asked about a tumor or something and she said no, we would have found it on the ultra sound.

I remember not being able to walk. Jon had to wait on me hand and foot. He had to work, do the grocery shopping and pick up after Suszan. We had a kind neighbor that came over to help clean and play with Suszan when I was not able to play with her. While doing the c-section the dr. found the tumor the size of  golfball on my left ovary and smaller ones on my right ovary. She felt the smaller ones would go away, but took the left ovary and sent in for a biopsy. We were thankful it came back without cancer. However over the next six months I gained 100lbs. The drs. once again could not tell me what was going on. If only it was due to overeating. More on all of that later.

It is hard to believe that exactly 10 years later. I am having yet another surgery to rectify all the problems that came from the tumor since then.

This week I start drinking shakes and stop eating anything greasy or fried to prepare for my surgery. I often wonder how will the lap band stop me from wanting chocolate!

                                            PCOS: How does it affect me?


My understanding form my former Dr in Dodge City is that the disease was present at puberty. It generally causes the awful apple shape that I had in middle school. Then in HS I worked hard to make it go away...no matter how hard I tried I remember always looking pregnant. (So much so that my adopted son people thought I gave birth to him in High School. )

The worst part of polycystic ovarian disease for me was not the fact that having kids was no easy task. I was very fortunate to have a husband that was eager to keep trying on a daily basis. The worst part has been the insulin resistance that goes with it. Insulin resistance causes my testosterone levels to be high. I really hated all the hair. This for the most part was corrected after my hysterectomy. My hysterectomy took care of the pain, the embarrassment of suddenly starting my cycle and the pain from the cysts. However what it didn't change is the fact that no matter what I eat I still gain weight. No matter how little or how much I eat, no matter what diet plan the Dr. places me on. I even managed to start gaining weight on the shake diets that I spending a ton of money with a doctor's office to be on. The insulin resistance just makes it so everything I eat is turned into fat.

I never use to understand how your spirit was in your body and that they were not the same. I understand now, my spirit so wants to be in someone else's body and able to do the things I use to be able to do.

I am told and from what I have researched the only way to possibly reverse PCOS is to loose weight, only it won't allow you to loose weight like a normal person. I am told that the lap band surgery is my only option. In one week I will find out if it is an option. If not maybe I should just quit eating all together.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Sitting here feeling guilty I didn't make it church again. It seems really difficult the last few months to make it.

Instead I am watching my kids enjoy some free time to play on the Wii. While I sit here and listen to NKOTB and Train music. Speaking of which...thought I would share a little about my experience in LA last with NKOTB.

NKOTB held a "Townhall Meeting" for their fans. The event was by invitation only. I feel very blessed to have been able to attend. Since I had a longer drive than most I was pretty far back in the line, but still managed to get third row seats on the end. The guys had directer chairs on the stage they sat on while answering questions.

I had made a poster that read "eye am stingy" with Jordan and Donnie's names on it. I also had two of the logo's my husband had made for Donnie's logo contest two years ago. Donnie was on my side of the stage and seen my board. I pointed to the logo's, then he apologized and said that he would not be on "Donnie Time" anymore and would not be doing anymore of those contests. I was content that he knew what the logo's were.

Last month I had VIP tickets to see Jordan Knight in concert, have our picture taken etc. I couldn't manage to say anything other than, this was my only VIP and that I have four kids and don't get to attend very many events because I am mom. When Jordan seen me he seemed surprised/happy I was there then Jordan seen my Stingy sign he laughed.
The next time they will be touring will be at least a year from now. By then I will have my lap band for about a year and should have lost 50% of body weight. Then I will need a new pic of JK and I!

Here's to finding my dancing shoes!

                  The road to my dancing shoes…..

This is my first blog entry. You probably have noticed that already.  Eight years ago I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Disease with insulin resistance. This was two years after the doctors found a large tumor on my left ovary. Now, I am not complaining. I know that I am lucky to be alive at this point and have been blessed with two children while the disease was affecting me and my pregnancies and my ability to become pregnant.

How is it the road back to my dancing shoes? When I was 16 I was told by a doctor that I had no cartilage in my knees and that I should never run or dance again. I have been told the last part of his advice just is not true. At the time I was 5’3 and weighed 118 pounds…oh how I miss those days!

January 1, 2010 Kristie Alley kicked off her 100 days of dance (www.100daysofdance.com)  . It was an awesome experience for me. I never expected anyone to watch my videos and I never expected to enjoy people watching my videos.

I am ready to get my dancing shoes back. I have a new bicycle waiting for me in the garage, a stair stepper, weights, exercise balls, bands, Jillian Michaels video and start up junk….. you get the point. I however am to large to feel comfortable using most of that equipment. I also seriously lack the energy I need to do such things.

Next weekend I will be going to Phoenix for a procedure that will determine if I am eligible for lap band surgery. The doctors tell me that the surgery will eventually reverse the PCOS symptoms. My surgery will take place June 8, the day after my oldest son graduates from high school.

This is where you can help. I don’t want to hear…WOW you lost weight or hey look at you. What I do need is real support.

Lastly we need prayers for our family as we transition into the next phase in life. My other blogs won’t be as serious I hope!