It has been two years in August since I knew I had to leave my loved home of Wichtia, Kansas. I had tried for three years to get back into the school district there. I sub taught as I could, networked with teachers and administrators to no evail. Deep down, I knew we had to leave. I set in August of 2010 for two interviews. One in Lawarence and one near Kansas City.
This trip took me through quite the little journey of healing. I totally bombed my interviews due to the healing. I had not returned to the area by myself since Novemeber 30, 1997. People say you need to deal with your past. Something I had no intention of ever doing.
I was married to a man that I knew loved and trusted. He was not a christian. He did claim to be catholic, but never attended. He knew very little about his faith. He was a drunk. Yeah, I knew that when we got married. I also knew that while he was a drunk he could go long periods of not drinking. I never thought he would try to hurt me. For nine months after our wedding all I heard was how "fat" I was becoming. He said I was a looser, and many other explicitives that I won't put on here. One night he was drunk when I came home from work his pulse was 24. He wouldn't respond to me, he was hardly breathing. He had told me before that if ever drank that much to not call an amblunce. Once he did repsond he threw everything he possibly could at me, glass plates, cactus plants, books, even the book case. Shortly before Thanksgiving he rapped me in the worst kind of way. He then planned on admitting to the hospital because of my depression. Instead I had a great plan to kill myself and no I am talking about cutting my wrist. It involved bleach, gas and fire. Two years ago on this journey I heard this song on the radio, while driving to the town we had lived in. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BFUHrXfuNU4 My interview in Lansing was accross the street from a friends house, this friend took me in for night during the mess of a marriage. I went into that interview crying and knowing I could never live back in that area.
This is where the healing began. Two weeks after that interview I managed the courage to send a resume to a school district far far away from home. It was time for a clean break from it all. In October 2010 we moved to a small town in Arizona. The healing has continued since then.
Last month as we drove up to the surgery center the song was again running through my mind. It is what I was singing when they gave me my sleepy medicene. It is the song I woke up singing.
An old friend unknowingly recently reminded me of the spunk that I had before 1997 happened. The mental healing finished in 2010, they day I drove away from Kansas with my husband and four children. Now is the time for the physical healing. It is time Stella got her groove her back.
Last week was the first time since 1997 I was able to pray in tongues. That in itself will greatly help the physical healing that his to happen. In church today I was told by 7 people that I looked very pretty. Most of them I don't recall ever speaking to before and I don't think they know about my surgery.
Tuesday is my follow up appt. I will finally get these staples removed and hopefully get thing filled. Then it is time to DANCE!
Here are the words to the song, thanks for reading my long post!
Tenth Avenue North
Healing Begins lyrics
Songwriters: INGRAM, JASON / DONEHEY, MIKE / OWEN, JEFF
So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do
So we think that you're good
And you can't believe it's not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside
So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now
This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark
Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won't disappear
So let it fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now
We're here now, oh
This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark
Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us
This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark
All the work that you do
So we think that you're good
And you can't believe it's not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside
So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now
This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark
Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won't disappear
So let it fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now
We're here now, oh
This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark
Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us
This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark
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