Something positive---Meeting Donnie Wahlburg, Jordan night, Jon Knight, Joe Mac and Danny Wood

While I am not where I want to be I am getting closer! This summer I had the opportunity to meet my favorite Boy Band. It was an amazing adventure! While I am still obese and have daily struggles with fast food. I had rumors that Danny Wood has rude to obese fans. I have never experienced this with him. He actually has congratulated me on my loss on Twitter. He said that I looked "really good" when I finally met him. As I went down the line I had nothing but encouragement on the way I looked. Donnie said, "You look fine" and hugged me and kissed me on the cheek.  Why is this so important to my journey? Yes, my husband compliments me and finds me attractive. However 15 months prior to this I met Jordan Knight in Las Vegas and was so self-conscious about my weight that I felt I didn't deserve to meet him (even though I had PAID to meet him.) This had nothing to with Jordan and everything to do with me. My confidence is higher than what it has been. Donnie and Danny made me feel very comfortable with meet and greet.

Donnie Wahlberg and me!

Right now though I am struggling. My cravings are not under control and neither is my mindset. I fractured my foot at the end of May and I have not been able to work out. If I am not working out I tend to eat more out of boredom. Plus it is summer and I am not working...so I have more time to think about food. I have gained 20 pounds since March. I really am feeling this 20 pounds. It needs to go away and go away quickly. My new clothes are tight and my breathing is heavy and difficult. I don't remember noticing the breathing before. I think this is from staying off my foot for the last several weeks.  Fried foods have got to disappear.

This week I have been on a mission to eat healthier. I bought fish, shrimp, Edamame, tuna, chicken, eggs, ground lean turkey, skinless chicken breast, tenderized round steak, turkey sausage,  fruit and veggies to make our dinners. I HATE fish, but I prayed that God would make it taste good and well...together we did it and my Tilapia was pretty good. My foot is FINALLY lost all of its swelling and I have been able to take my walks without pain this week. Somehow I have to get back to my two hour workouts.

I am ready for this next part. It is time to be below 250. My next goal is 250 by Labor Day and 200 by Christmas.
I apologize I am to tired to edit this tonight, but I want to publish it anyways!

Band complications

Two things are up with my band. Number one..I may not have been receiving fills when I was told I was receiving fills. The paperwork does not show the I received the last two fills that I was told I received. There is no way to tell if I received them or not because my port has flipped and is not accessible. I am 13 months out from surgery and already have to have a revision. Hopefully after the revision/during the revision my band can be filled to where I need it. I am hungry, looking for food and finding everywhere I drive or walk in this city and gaining the weight back faster than I lost it. Really disappointed. At this the lap band and the whole process seems to be another failure.

Left hanging with useless piece of plastic.

I have stayed positive through this entire ordeal. However I feel like the clinic I used banded me, and the first signs of trouble left me hanging. Everything went great with my band until I became sick with Swine flu, then had a round of Mono this winter. The clinic had to take fluid out because I was ill. That was back in Nov. They still don't want to fill me up where I was before. I am back to the old cravings as usual. Now, they are refusing to make me an appt for another six weeks, because they don't have any openings. I am sitting here in tears, because one year ago, I thought if I did my part, than this would work and go well. Instead True Results gave up on ME the moment I became ill and started having problems. I have never been past 8cc'ss in my 14 cc band in the last ten months. I have never been down to the 1/2 c. a food a meal they want us at, and yet they have refused to get me there and now refuse to get me in. Not that they have done ANYTHING the last six months when I have went. 

I guess I will give up until we get moved to Dallas and I can find a new clinic and have the money to switch clinics, which by the way will costs $1,000.  Which means I might as well give up completely. 

the long winter

In previous posts I had mentioned being sick and feeling like garbage since November when I had the flu. I found out from my gyn that I most likely had H1N1 and some E virus. I couldn't remember what the "E" Virus was to look it up when I got home. To make a long story short I was searching Mono for a student today. While reading about it I found its medical name. You may already know it, but yes it is the mystery "E" Virus that my GYN said was acting up on me again. Okay, so I get it now. The swine flu causes lung and tummy problems, cold chills and fevers that last for weeks. The mono reactivated itself and caused even more fatigue and muscle weakness. My iron was never anemically low. I was just down from the Mono. If you have ever had mono you know there is no way for your body to be able to burn fat and now way to survive on just a few hundred calories a day when you are that sick. My cravings were truly from the food being needed to heal my body.

I posted on face book and twitter a couple of weeks that I felt like I could run five miles. That was the first time I felt normally since Thanksgiving.

Now for the hard part, I am better now, but I am still hungry and looking for food. I have never went over 1500 cals in one day. I have however had candy bars and additional caffeine products. Those are not good when you are trying to burn fat.

 I go back to my LB dr. in two weeks. We will see what they have to say. But, it makes since to that the H1N1 and the Mono (enlarged spleen) was causing my food to get stuck in my band, not just the 8.25 cc's that was in my 14cc band. I am so ready to get back on this now that I feel better. Wish me luck! I was able to eat an entire cheeseburger before feeling full the other day. I really don't want to eat like that.

Thankfullness

PCOS patients have a hard time ever having children. I am so blessed to have overcome mine and had my children while I was young enough that my PCOS didn't stop my first two pregnancies at all. It did slow down my third child and cause two miscarriages. I read more and more women with PCOS have not been able to have children. I however have been blessed with three babies.

So how could I have them? For one, it was God's will. The other I never used any type of birth control. I knew since I was 16 that something was wrong. By the time I was 19 I knew if I had kids I had to have them soon. When you figure that from 1998 to 2007 I never used birth control of any kind and only had three birth during those years.

 The last pregnancy was a 10% chance of survival of rate. The dr. put me on Metformin for the insulin resistance and did some test to see if my tubes were open or collapsed. In order to do this inject die into the ovaries and blow air through them. If they are collapsed then this will open them. It also clears the cysts out of the tubes. I lost 60 pounds in three months on the Metformin and got pregnant with twins. (I also started using an ovulation spit tester.)  I lost the twins at 9 weeks. Then three months later I became pregnant again.  After having two miscarriages I did everything wrong in the first trimester. It was God's will for her to com into our world.

Friends, don't give up. pray and keep trying.

Life happens

I am down four pounds in the last three weeks! I think maybe things are starting to turn around. The more think about it the more things make sense as to why I was not loosing weight before.

1. SMALL BITES and WAITING one minute in between bites. I have not been good about that rule.
2. Yes, I have had my share of chocolate since Christmas. 
3. Sodium, everything that I had been eating was high sodium. I am watching this closer.

Three goals for myself over the next week.

1. NO more candy.
2. NO more frozen cokes ( i have had a few lately)
3. Make my food for lunch at home and take it to work. ie. NO processed foods.

This will be difficult time for coming ahead. My husband has taken a job in a different state and I have to stay in this state until the end of the school year. I have three problems with this.

1. I have never been a single mom. 
2. I have never went longer than a week without seeing my husband. ( We have only been apart 30-50 days our entire 14 year marriage)
3. I have to do all of the cooking. My husband has been great during this journey by cooking our meals. 

Okay, well that is enough lists for you. Have a great day! Remember the band is a tool not a magic stick.

Where is my quick fix?

Ugghhh after a year of this I want to eat. I want to really eat. But eating is not helping the process. I am so irritated  I am once again not loosing what they dr. says I should. I am about 30 pounds where I should be in weight loss. I am on feet most of the day at work with no energy left to work out at home. My goal is to loose 60 more pounds by June 1st. ( I know this seems like a lot, but I am behind by 30 pounds already). The only thing I can figure is forget the band and go back to protein shakes for a few weeks. That is going to be hard because I want to EAT! So this weekend I did give in and eat and gained 6 pounds, yes 6. It will take me a month to that 6 pounds. Over eating a chicken sandwich and a low-carb hamburger. My calories on Sunday was 2248. I normally do not go over 1200.

My knees are hurting all of the time again. This also hinders the workout. I just want to loose the weight, be healthier and be done with all of this.

What is even worse is that my BP is higher than what it ever has been. I thought loosing weight was suppose to lower my BP. Instead it has made it higher. I wish I knew what I am doing wrong. I feel like the clinic is giving up on me as well. Okay, enough complaining.