My journey equals one of frustration. The unedited version----you were warned.

Where did my will power go? Oh Sliders foods....you are awful! My favorite foods are all sliders. GRRRRR.

AS the holidays are coming up and of course the time for New Year's resolutions, am I reminded why I started this journey. I went to Goodwill and seen a gorgeous dress, that I should be able to wear by now. Only I still can't.. Two years of being mostly good....and I am about the same size I was two years ago. GRRRRR. Why do I try? The reality...if this is my trying to loose the weight, what would happen if I wasn't trying to loose it.

I don't like being fat, I hate being fat. In order to loose weight, I have to eat less than 800 cals a day. That is hard for a women that loves every aspect of food. From the joy of making it for my family, the joy of the texture and smells of food, to the pride in being able to eat more than ham, potatoes and mac n'cheese I grew up on.

Truth: I am constantly busy and rarely do I get to just sit for ten minutes. I am a professional, mother of three and part time care taker for my mom. I don't have time to work out an hour today. Or even the half hour walk that the LB people say that I need to do be doing. Those people on the weight loss shows are a joke. #1 They live in a nice place and have access to all the healthy foods and cooks to prepare them. #2. They don't have to deal with family obligations. #3 They are somewhat self-centered. If they weren't self-centered then they wouldn't leave their families for three months to go on the show.

My family and I moved to Texas June 2013. When we moved three negative things happened to my journey. #1 I sold my cross trainer, my ski machine and moved into a tiny house where I had no room to workout and lived in a neighborhood that was not safe to walk in. #2. My port leaked all the fluid out of my band and had to be replaced. #3 My stress went up.

I really need my equipment back. However, I am fully prepared and ready to get back on track. My first step will be to read my blog, which stands for my journal. My second step, cook a healthy Christmas dinner. Lean Ham, Turkey, sweat potatoes, green bean casserole with low fat cream soup, sugar free pies, unhealthy potato salad made with Splenda and pies made with splenda and jello. And...of course I will measure my cup of food and leave the rest for my family.

But hey, at least I am no longer gaining weight. The only time I have gained weight was when there was no fluid in my band. It is late and this will post without being edited tonight.